


Hold Me Close

by gabrielreyesplsloveme



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hawke is an angel, Sad, an angel who loves her friends, anders has feelings, anders is attached, can be seen platonically or not, cuddly Hawke, cuddly anders, wanted to keep it somewhat ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29576265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabrielreyesplsloveme/pseuds/gabrielreyesplsloveme
Summary: Anders was never a touchy-feely person until he realizes that he is just fine with physical affection if it's with the people he holds dear. Hawke specifically has a special spot in his heart so he seeks her out the most.
Relationships: Anders & Female Hawke (Dragon Age), Anders/Female Hawke
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Hold Me Close

**Author's Note:**

> It seems that I will never plan a Dragon Age fic, it's a theme for me to get sudden inspiration then write a quick little one shot. I was in the middle of a "DA2 companions and cuddles" prompt thing on tumblr and it turned into more of a character study. Anders' bit made me feel emotions so this is the result of that. Also titles and tags are hard. I may fix some tags later. Enjoy!

Anders was never the touchy-feely type. All his life, he had to be wary of anyone that went near him, let alone those who seemed to want to get closer. He never even knew he liked hugs until Isabella enveloped him in one after a particularly tough fight. 

He thought he would freeze up or push her away, but all he could think about was how nice it felt. They had been friends for awhile by this point, years more than the others he considered friends in the past. 

Perhaps that was why he started to seek out the others, just to see if affection with them would hold the same weight. He wasn't exactly surprised when he finally got around to convincing Carver for a hug and came to the conclusion that yep, he loved affection with those he loved. 

That by itself was a weighty statement. 

He didn't think himself capable of love after so long without it. Even the Warden didn't get this close, but he supposed that's where years of friendship would get you.

Some of the others were very cuddly while some of them would rather not be touched often. Fenris, the only one he didn't even bother trying to at least hug, wouldn't let anyone touch him for more than a few seconds.

Hawks seemed to be the exception to that rule, boasting when drunk about how she and him hug at least twice a month now, laughing when Fenris turns red and tries to deny it. With the alcohol flowing through the group, there's no real venom behind his curses and everyone is secretly pleased that their broody friend has at least one person he can rely on.

That was Marian's charm after all - being someone they were all drawn to. He doesn't think there's a single person in their group that wouldn't lay down their life for their Champion, himself included.

In fact, out of all of his friends, he tended to find himself gravitate towards Marian more than the others. She was the one he trusted first after all, so he didn't find it strange. That plus her general openness and great hugs were a deadly combination. It got worse (better?) when he moved in with her. He would find himself initiating contact more often than before. A shoulder squeeze here, a quick hug there, anything really. 

He still wasn't much for prolonged things like cuddles yet, but that's not to say it didn't happen. Just being in Marian's presence was enough to calm his loud mind, but on the days it got really bad, he'd walk up to her and give her a shaky hug. She'd understand immediately and smile slightly as she led him to her room to let him hold her for as long as he wanted.

She was a saint, truly. Even justice adored her. 

The more he worked toward his goals of Mage freedom, the more he sought her comfort. It was draining to lead a dangerous rebellion and they had yet to drive out the qunari, leaving him exhausted. He preserved like he always did, though this time he had the support of his friends. Even he and Fenris were on better terms now, thanks to the soothing effect of Marian. It seemed that she excelled in calming one's inner demons.

He wondered if it'll be the same for him

_____________________

No matter how much he hoped it wouldn't come to this, he knew that if he let things continue like this, the mages of Kirkwall, let alone Thedas, would never be free. He knew things wouldn't be the same after this. He knew he would be putting innocent lives on the line, he just couldn't bring himself to care. Not in the way he used to at least. 

Now, with Justice constantly going on about the nobleness of helping the mages, louder and louder each day, the people that he used to see as needing saving, turned into unavoidable casualties for the greater good.

If anyone would understand where he was coming from, it would be Marian, and he truly did try to tell her, but the words got stuck in his throat. He decided that he would just enjoy the last moments of her blissful ignorance that he knew kept their friendship from being destroyed. The last thing he wanted was to see the look of betrayal on her face, understanding or no. So, he kept silent. 

During the days leading up to the final act, he was more tired than ever, visiting Marian in her room every other day sometimes. She would be patient and understanding as always. Sometimes she'd tell him that he can talk to her about anything, if only to ease his suffering by even a small margin. He would laugh almost bitterly and tell her that this was more than enough to make him feel better. It truly was, he was just trying to spend as much time as possible with her before he'd sever their bond permanently. 

_____________________

The day before he puts his plan into motion, he finds himself in Marian's arms one final time. He shows up to her door looking more haggard than ever and she doesn't even hesitate before welcoming him openly like she always does. She wraps her arms tightly around him like she's afraid he'll break if she doesn't. 

He is ashamed to admit that he has the same fear, clutching onto her just as tightly.

While woven tightly together on her bed, his thoughts are filled with her. She's his closest friend. The one he'll undoubtedly hurt the most. He can't help but want to seek her comfort even though he's swimming in guilt. He's just glad that she'll be the one to ultimately kill him. He lived for her and he'll die to her.

He tucks his head into her neck and silently cries, praying to a Maker that stopped caring about him long ago, that she won't hate him after it's all done.


End file.
